The Usual Suspects

Happy New Year everyone!

MNT was back in action last night for a new season, with statistics reset and ready to go for a big year ahead.  The question was whether some of the regulars had too many mince pies, or whether they had been secretly training during the close season, ready for the opening day.

Regrettably, London's Finest Pool reporter was hurrying back from the Brentford win over Liverpool, so was late to the MNT, meaning that there were no interviews in the early rounds.  However, there were some epic results, notably Ervin "Vini" Demiraj getting his first ever win on a Monday night!  His game is starting to come along nicely, an he took our Peter Hsu in a match that went hill-hill.  Notably, the boy wonder, Kostiantyn Ivanov was fresh back after a little bit of a lay-off where he actually had to attend school and do some studying rather than spend his life at the pool hall.  He managed to take out Muhammed "He's the Greatest" Ali 6-5.  Also, in a real close game, Gauhar Khan took out Pistol Pete Cloherty, which really shows off Khan's improvement that he showed towards the end of 2022. 

Into the second round, and Ciaran Boylan was looking ominous.  During the close season, whispers had it that Ciaran was going to step up to the plate this season as he looked really good in practice.  However, practice is practice, and whilst Ciaran might have taken out Paz "the Punisher" Brennan in the first round, Dan Jenkins came in to gain revenge against Ciaran for a defeat less than a month ago, and won 6-5.  Elsewhere, Ranj Sarraj looked determined to get off to a flyer, and inched past Andrew Phan 6-5.  

All hotting up nicely, and the quarters looked tasty as Doug "the Shark" Clark breezed past the conqueror of Ciaran, Dan Jenkins, 5-2.  Saman Gholami was also looking pretty serious as Kostiantyn didn't quite have the answers to beat him, and Saman came through 5-4.  And then onto the big guns.  Ram decided that time wasn't on his side, and took out Dhari Alduraibi 5-0 in super quick time.  Meanwhile, the other big gun, Rod "the God" Altes quickly took out Ranj 5-2.  All looking setup for a Ram-Rod final (again), but the question was whether Saman could defeat Rod, and whether Doug could take Ram down.

Nope...was the answer.

To be fair, Doug played well.  Really well.  Almost flawlessly in fact, but "almost" against Ram isn't enough.  5-4 to Ram and into the final against............*surprise surprise*, Rod.   Rod quickly took care of Saman with a 5-1 win, and the first MNT final by LFP at the LST was Ram vs Rod.  Winning the first rack, Rod was looking ominous, but Ram bashed up Rod 5-2 in the end.  Rod was left stunned at the end and commented "The guy's consistency is unbelievable. Respect!"  But we all know that Rod is just going to knuckle down and work Ram out.  But what a superb evening, with the big guns starting the season exactly as they left off the last.

Over the coming weeks, though, the challengers (piranhas) will be out in force.  This was just the curtain-raiser, a taster of what's to come, but whilst 2023 started out with the usual suspects, but expect a sea of change.  Way too much talent in the rest of the field.  So who to watch out for? 

Cip's gone into a secret location, doing an impression of Rocky Balboa in Rocky 4, getting his game back to where it belongs.  So be very scared when Cip is back in the frame.

Gabriel is undoubtedly going to be a fearsome competitor this season, but just needs a break from all the Christmas excess that he's been indulging in.

Tash is already known to be one of the big guns in Tooting.  He fears no-one.

Martinho has proven himself with his exceptionally high win ratio in 2022, so expect great things from the great man.

Kostiantyn could well be the surprise package, as he's threatening to be consistent, and with his talent, could surpass anyone.  And then there's still the likes of Doug, who probably needs to find that extra 1% in his consistency to be threatening, and Craig would be right up there if his mummy let him play on a Monday more often.  Some fine talent in the pool of piranhas waiting to eat Ram and Rod alive.  2023 is going to be a fine year for our community, and standards are going to reach new levels.

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Written by Dan Suh

Category: Home

Published: 04 January 2023

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End of Year School Report

As the year comes to a close, some of the main pupils at Tooting Grammar School have received their end of year reports.  The school has decided not to publish the reports of all 128 pupils who attended the school this year, but here are a selection of some of the main students who attended regularly throughout the year.

Ciprian Dandu – is currently the head boy and maintains an excellent attendance record.  His concentration levels have tended to slip at times, mainly when distracted by other pupils shouting scores at him, but his performances have shown that he can outperform all other boys during exam time.  Is really good at helping the school maintain discipline, especially in the playground, but can lose his temper on occasion when the other boys ignore him. 

Andrew Phan – has been an able deputy head boy, and has exceeded teacher expectations by excelling at media studies.  His video assignments have been outstanding and he is likely to have a future career in this field.  His performances, however, have slipped since last year, but is still known to be a good performer.  Teachers have reminded him that his performances could improve if he played with both hands.

Muhammed Ali – has been the most committed boy in class this year.  His 100% attendance record and willingness to help the school has been noticed, and has been recently taken on extra-curricular activities by organising the shy students in a new snooker league.  However, Muhammed’s performances over this year have slipped slightly in recent months, and it is hoped that he will regain his form next year. It is also regrettable that Muhammed insists on using the wrong equipment during his performances. 

Ramesh Gokhul – is one of the oldest in the school, and a model pupil according to his teachers.  He sets an example to other boys, and has performed exceptionally well throughout the year.  In a recent school trip to the US, however, he did fail to live up to expectations, and has struggled a little to return to the form that he demonstrated before the school trip.  He is, still, the highest scoring performer in the school, and one of the most popular. 

Rod Altes – was transferred from a comprehensive school, only this year, and immediately outperformed most of the other pupils with his performances, leaving other students wondering if he had actually come from another grammar school.  Has since settled in exceptionally well, and his performances have occasionally outshone Ramesh’s.  Teachers are concerned whether he actually consumes anything other than apple juice. 

Tashunka Schultz – draws a lot of attention as he is generally a very popular boy.  Has a tendency to call himself a donkey and put himself down frequently, but still finished 3^rd this year.  We are also concerned that he has walked out of school on occasions, threatening to stop his studies, but relieved to see that he returned back to school quite quickly.

Kostiantyn Ivanov – recently moved to Tooting Grammar School and is the youngest in the school.  He has a youthful exuberance that is infectious, and is clearly very talented.  However, his expectations of himself are exceptionally high, and his teachers would like to remind him that he cannot pot every single ball on the table all of the time. 

Gabriel Vasilache – is one of the quieter members of the school, but is always knuckling down, concentrating hard, and has performed exceptionally well throughout the year.  He is likely to progress further next year, as teachers have reported that he has the potential to be the highest performing student at the school next year.  Gabriel has also been asked to stop intimidating the new boys to the school as he likes to stand at the door of the classroom and stare them out as they enter.

Andy Curzon – has exceptional enthusiasm whilst at school, but his performances are inconsistent, when he clearly has the ability even if he is slightly unorthodox.  It is hoped that he takes a little bit more time over 2023 to find that consistency, as his best performances have come when he finds his focus.  He has been asked, repeatedly, to stop running in the corridors.  He has a tendency to run everywhere without slowing down.

Sean Avery – is a very well-behaved student, but has been underperforming for most of the year.  Is definitely contender for having the best head of hair, although Gabriel might have something to say about this.  Sean has also recently been asked to help the school run detentions on a Wednesday night for the naughty kids. 

Saman Gholami – started the year very poorly indeed.  Consistently near the bottom of the class and the teachers have had genuine concerns for him.  However, he has been putting in huge efforts to improve over summer and been voted the most improved pupil in the school.  

Gauhar Khan – failed to attend many classes up to May of this year, but has since been attending regularly, impressing his teachers with his increasingly dogged performances.  He can occasionally be quite negative about himself at times, but still gets his head down and concentrates on improving.  Gauhar occasionally has trouble responding to authority, and has been repeatedly told to pull his trousers up.  Failing that, he is allowed to borrow a belt from lost property.

Doug Clark – was one of the brightest students in class until June, when he decided he didn’t want to attend any more and dropped out of school.  It was good to see him return to class in October, but his performances lacked the kind of panache seen earlier in the year, leaving Douglas with a permanent hang dog expression after most classes.  It has been promising to see his performances have improved lately, and his return to the front row of the class has been well-deserved.

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Written by Dan Suh

Category: Home

Published: 15 December 2022

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The Golden Balls Awards

At the Annual End of Season LFP Golden Balls Awards Gala Dinner at the prestigious London Snooker Tooting, sponsored by London Snooker Tooting, and Korea Foods, press from around the world caught glimpses of some of the biggest names in Tooting on the red carpet.  This long-awaited event is the highlight of Tooting's calendar, and many of the big names came out in force to receive their awards. 

Award Winners were as follows:

Most Tournaments Played - Muhammed "He's the Greatest" Ali

Goliath Winner - Tomasz Jedlecki

Longest Winning Streak - Ramesh "Ramma Jamma" Gokhul

LFP Ranked Number 2 of 2022 - Rod "The God" Altes

LFP Ranked Number 1 of 2022 - Ramesh "Ramma Jamma" Gokhul

Ram took home a trophy, a Jack Daniels hamper with whiskey tumbler, and a special badge that he'll be wearing at the next official tournament.  Just look out for it, as it is the most impressive badge you'll ever see.

Ram had some great words for the audience as he thanked Tash for introducing him to London's Finest Pool, where he's felt part of the family and pushed to improving himself as a player by everyone trying to gun him down.  He thanked Asif, the staff, the LFP Organisers, and the players themselves for making it a true community.

Throughout the night, plenty of mini competitions were held, which brought a lot of laughs and really made the whole evening worthwhile.  Winners were:

Speed Pool - "Pistol" Pete Cloherty with a flawless and stunning time of under 40 seconds.  Pete won a £50 bar tab, which was generously consumed throughout the evening.

1 v 1 Speed Pool - Imagine the amazement of the crowd as Rod and Ram faced each other in the final of the 1 v 1 Speed Pool.  Watching everyone run around the table was great viewing and in the end, Ram came away winner and took a box of chocolates as the prize, which he duly went round the club sharing with everyone.

1 Rack Shootout - Not surprisingly, the Destroyer made it to the final and looked most likely to win, but in the end, young Kostiantyn pounced on the one mistake the Destroyer made and ended up as winner.  Kostya was eyeing up the champagne but was warned off it by security as he's still underage.  In fact, his age was the sole reason the adult entertainment was cancelled for the event.  

One-Handed Shootout - If there's one thing you can say about Rod the God, is that he learns bloody quickly.  Starting off slowly in the first round, he ended up running out the last 4 balls in the final against Ranj and won himself a bottle of Moet, to add to his mini Jack Daniels hamper that he had already picked up for being ranked number 2 this year.

Killer - A lot of entrants for this one, and in the end Doug "the Shark" Clark pulled through to fend off the opposition.  Given a choice between the chocolates and the Moet, Doug took home the champagne as the evening drew to a close.

This year has been a really extra special year for many of us who love playing pool.  I cannot even begin to tell you the sacrifices that Cip and Andrew make to make this happen, every Monday, and it's the ONLY place in the UK where 32 players can get together on a Monday night and play a high standard scratch tournament, with fantastic characters and competitors.  Cip and Andrew stay till the end every Monday, they piss off their partners/families, and most of all...they have given up their own pool playing standards to make this happen for you.  They do not make a penny from these tournaments, so please bear this in mind for the future, just by listening to them, supporting them, and co-operating in any way you can, but most of all, enjoy yourselves and keep maintaining this community to its high standards and make this a welcoming place for all.

On behalf of Cip and Andrew, have a great Christmas period, have a wonderful New Year, and I hope you lot all bow down to the Destroyer in 2023.  

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Written by Dan Suh

Category: Home

Published: 20 December 2022

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Season Ends And Who Is King of Tooting?

The final MNT of the season took place last night, at a packed venue at London Snooker Tooting.  All eyes were on Ramesh "Ramma Jamma" Gokhul and Rod "the God" Altes, as they were fighting it out to finish top of the pops in 2022, and seemingly, all Rod had to do was to perform better than Ram, and he stood a great chance of overtaking him in the final tournament of 2022.  Such drama, such anticipation, and eyes were firmly fixed on these two top dogs.

The first round was full of twists and turns, with 4 matches going hill-hill.  Gauhar Khan and Ranj Sarraj played out a tense game.  Khan has recently shown that he can compete well at this level, and it wasn't a surprise that he fought well to get into a winning position, but Ranj stepped up to the plate and finally came through to win.  Meanwhile, Glen "the Hitman" Hargreaves, embroiled in a legal battle over naming rights for "the Hitman" with Gabriel "Hitman" Vasilache, took on Andy "Banks" Curzon.  Andy's unique style bamboozled the big man from Newcastle, but Glen clung on to fight his way to hill-hill.  In the end, however, Glen just couldn't keep up and Andy C inched over the line.  Meanwhile, Dan "the Destroyer" Suh faced Joe Granville.  The Destroyer blitzed his way into a 3-0 lead, but with an horrific miss to go 4-0, Joe ground his way back and won 4 racks on the spin to get to the hill first.  The Destroyer is, though, feared throughout Tooting, and after finally recovering from his horrific miss, came back to destroy Joe in the final two racks to progress.  And finally, Ciaran Boylan and Henri Linnainmaa played out a really tense affair, knowing that the winner would go on to face the Destroyer.  It was unsurprising that both players knew that with so much at stake, real steel and grit was required to progress.  It wasn't much of a surprise, either, that this match went to hill-hill, but in the end, Ciaran took his chance to get the opportunity to destroy the Destroyer.

Only one whitewash in the first round, with Rod the God on a mission to dispose of Saman in as quick a time as possible, sending out a clear message to Ram that there was only one thing on his mind, and that was to end the year as Number 1.  

The second round is where the real action took place. Despite only joining the MNT in late September, Martinho Correia has a record that is pretty much on par with Ram and Rod in terms of win percentage.  Facing Muhammed "he's the greatest" Ali, Martinho had to call on his experience against the wily old snooker cue wielding potting machine, and despite the fright, ended up winning 5-4.  Doug "the Shark" Clark spent much of his second round tie shaking his head, looking like he'd seen a ghost, but somehow dug deep, took his chances, and came through 5-4.  In the meantime, with Ciaran on a massive high, and in a similar vein to Morocco getting past Spain on penalties to face Portgual, Ciaran exceeded expectations to progress further by causing a massive upset against the Destroyer.  All eyes, though, were fixed on Ram and Rod.  Rod was up against the highly dangerous Tomasz Jedlecki.  Tom's not been in the best of form of late, but on his day can and will beat anyone, and today was his day.  5-2 winner over Rod, leaving Rod looking nervously over at Ram, to see first place slipping away before his eyes. 

Ram, was up against the highly menacing looking Gabriel.  We all know that Gabriel is one of the best players in Tooting, with levels of consistency that almost match Ram and Rod.  He strikes fear into many opponents, and he is fearful of no-one.  Least of all Ram or Rod.  Determined to finish off the year with a statement of intent for 2023, Gabriel took every chance that came to him to win 5-3, and send Ram crashing out, wondering if he had, indeed, slipped to second place in the last tournament of 2022.  Speaking after the match, Gabriel turned to the camera to tell his army of fans: "I'm the biggest fish here now, only small fish can stop me".  

Into the Quarters, and despite no Ram and Rod, what a line-up we had.  Two of the old school crew, Sunny Garib and Martinho faced each other in a match that could well have taken place 30 years ago.  However, roll onto 2022 and Martinho demonstrated that he hadn't lost any of his magic to win 5-3.  Tomasz kept the momentum up, after beating Rod, with a 5-3 win over Ranj.  Tash was up against a high-flying Ciaran, who was fresh off his historic destruction of the Destroyer.  Tash was one of the favourites to win after Ram and Rod exited in the previous round, but found the challenge of Ciaran to be a tough one, and found a way to scrape through 5-4.  And finally, Gabriel went into a tough clash against Doug, but Doug couldn't quite mount enough of a challenge, and bowed out at this stage, losing 5-3.

The first semi-final was between Martinho and Tom.  Tom was looking pretty good, and was feeling confident after knocking Rod out earlier.  This promised to be a great match-up, but Martinho went into the game with a fierce determination and cruised through 5-0.  In the other semi, Tash and Gabriel fought it out, but Gabriel was looking imperious and played some beautiful stuff to win 5-2, setting up a tasty final between himself and Martinho.

And the final did not disappoint.  Martinho is not only in-form, but has a huge amount of experience and know-how.  Gabriel is, simply, one of the big guns at Tooting and when he plays well, there isn't much stopping the hard-staring Romanian.  So not much of a surprise that this final went to hill-hill.  but with all that confidence flowing through his icy veins, Gabriel snatched the win and sets the tone for the 2023 season.  Speaking after his win, Gabriel said "all people talk about is Ram and Rod, but next year, they will only be talking about me".

So, despite all the talk of a Rod vs Ram final to really work out who was going to end up in first place, Gabriel and Martinho really showed that 2023 will have a very different look to the rankings.  Congratulations to Ram for being the number 1 ranked player at the end of the season and there will be a small awards ceremony at the Christmas do on Monday 19th at Tooting, to recognise certain achievements. 

And, for those who were wondering, the rankings are a bit like snooker, or tennis, etc.  It is NOT reset.  It'll remain as they are, and those playing in 2023 will simply pick up from where they left off, but if you played in 2022, but not in 2023, then you will not show up in 2023 rankings.  What will make next season interesting is that there will be the feature to show your improvements on 2022.  Also, we are still toying with the idea of recording Break and Runs and/or Table Runs, but it will depend on whether players can record these accurately or not.

Also, don't forget, all welcome to the Christmas Do next Monday 19th December.  There'll be the awards ceremony, there'll be really bad Christmas jumpers, mini tournaments such as speed pool, and a chance to get together before the Christmas break.  Hope to see you all there.

And finally, a massive thanks to Ciprian and Andrew for making 2022 a really good year for us pool players at Tooting.  Please appreciate what they do for us, as there isn't anything like this for pool players in the area, on such a regular and consistent basis.  They give up so much time to make this happen, and get very little thanks back.

Here's the final player rankings:

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Written by Dan Suh

Category: Home

Published: 13 December 2022

Hits: 432