End of Year School Reports 2025
Tooting Grammar School continues to go from strength to strength. Not only has the extension to the building, above Tolian’s, been a welcome addition to the facilities, the main building underwent a refurb in summer, with caretaker Asif Khalique overseeing much of the redecoration. Some criticism of the new furniture making the classrooms more cramped, and it would be nice to see the floors recarpeted more than once a year, as the school has a lot of outside visitors who don’t wipe their shoes properly.
Having said that, weekly classes have been the usual high standard, with many of the new boys looking to impress. The top performing boys from last year, though, continued to be the top performers this year, but will certainly come under a lot of pressure in 2026, as standards continue to rise.
Ciprian “Spin King” Dandu
His efforts to curb his bad language last year have continued to improve. Ciprian has played a little less this year, due to his impatience with the school facilities, however, he has taken to using a racker and found that he’s still a very high performing student. He has finally accepted that his lack of practice means he’s unlikely to perform to the highest level on a consistent basis. But he remains incredibly fearsome on the odd occasions, capable of beating anyone.
Still struggles to show levels of patience during roll call, around 7pm on Monday’s.
Andrew “I play better with my jump cue, with my left hand” Phan
Andrew, as always, top of the class in media studies. He has taken on board some of the advice given to him on board this year. He has been slightly more orthodox in his approach, although still not slowing down. However, he has cemented his position as a fearsome potter, but continues to perform inexplicably poorly on occasions, leading him to take his frustration out by trying to break the world record for repetitive speed potting as the rest of the class watch on with slight trepidation. Usually best to leave him alone for a few minutes after he loses to an opponent he deems inferior to himself.
Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul
Despite dominating at the top for 2 years, being overtaken last year, seemed to have an initial impact on his studies at the start of the year. However, Ram picked himself up and went into the longest winning streak of the year, winning 21 in a row. 21 being the second highest streak since records began, and the highest being held by Ram anyway, standing at a mind-bending 30. This has left Ram at the top of the school again, a position that he will look to dominate.
We’d like to also congratulate Ram on his successes in the nationals, finishing the year ranked number 1, a huge feat for him.
Gabriel “Jabby Gabby” Vasilache
This must be considered a disappointing year for the stern looking Gabriel, but he remains in the elite student bracket. Often one of the favourites in any competition he is in, the rivalry between him and Ram is intense, and very close. Gabriel is showing no signs that he is under-achieving, and will be expected to challenge yet again in 2026.
We would also like to praise Gabriel for putting an end to his adult movie career, purporting to be a taxi driver whilst ferrying energetic young ladies around town.
Sunny “WD-40” Garib
Sunesh’s continued poor attendance record, despite being seen hanging around school gates and making use of the gymnasium, has seen Sunny fail to live up to his potential, but remains one of the top performers when he is able to make it into the classroom. This is proven by his win ratio of 87.1%, the highest in school.
Sunny has also been asked to stop bullying Douglas Clark. And Sunny is reminded that his use of lube is for appropriate purposes only.
So “Sniffer Dog” Shaw
Another frequent absentee, but another of the top performers in class. Soheil’s behaviour appears to have toned down slightly, especially since the summer. He has stopped showing his genitalia to the rest of the class, which is a marked improvement from previous years, although ruined this at the Christmas Party, which will result him being put in detention.
However, he does seem to announce his arrival into the classroom with his singing, which we would like for him to cease.
Russell “The Doctor” March
A new student at Tooting Grammar School this year, joining us in August. Has since been on a mission to prove himself, and he has flown into the top 5 of the class, breaking the 8 point barrier in his first year. Has a tendency to be ruthless, but occasionally careless, he is very likely to challenge Ram and Gabby next year.
Greg “Lord” Mostyn
Young Gregory has had another excellent year, being a high achiever and possessing a win ratio of over 72%, one of the best in class. It’s also pleasing to see that he has taken on a new extra-curricular subject: commentary, which he sometimes takes to the extreme as he commentates on his own performances during lessons.
Has an extraordinary imagination during competitions, as he has been found pointing to imaginary people believing that they are his fans. Greg has also been asked to desist from giving teachers verbal warnings, when he doesn’t agree with them.
Spencer “Afrotastic” Oliver
Another immensely consistent performer with exceptional standards. However, has recently had to move to a quiet little place in Kent, meaning that his attendance has been fairly sporadic. We understand that he will still be in attendance, which isn’t great news for the other students, as he tends to be one of the best students when present.
Leo Hsieh
Another new boy to the school, who has settled in quickly with the rest of the boys and earnt a lot of respect. A highly methodical student, who takes his time when answering every question, occasionally holding up lesson time. However, he is a popular boy who performs to exceptional standards. We have high hopes for him in 2026.
Saman Gholami
As he demonstrated last year, Saman was able to make significant progress, winning Monday competitions on 6 occasions, the third highest in school. Has become a monstrous player when he wants to, and it might have been a case that he’d be challenging for top spot this year, but regrettably had picked up an injury forcing his form to dip. Likely to be challenging for top spot next year. It is also pleasing to see that Saman no longer is holding everyone else up in class, as he has sped up his studies and submits his homework on time.
Doug “The Shark” Clark
Still likes to pick and choose which classes he wants to attend, but holds an imperious record when present in class. Still working on his temper during lesson time, especially when getting simple questions wrong, and struggles to retain his focus for prolonged periods, getting easily distracted by other boys in the class, especially Sunesh Garib, who tends to pick on Doug.
Craig “Bear” Laurie
Craig is traditionally quite a lazy student, having had a poor attendance record in 2023 and 2024. But, has improved his attendance, and demonstrated what a competitive student he can be. He is often found challenging all the top students, but it is a great shame that Craig will be moving away to Ireland next February. Not such a great shame for anyone sitting behind him, as his height blocks most people who have to sit behind him.
Rod “The God” Altes
A committed student, but is undoubtedly living in the past. Still capable of producing moments of brilliance that few others even dare to think of, but as predicted in last year’s report, he has fallen out of the top 10. Would like to see Rod back in the practice room a bit more, and not spend time in the common room talking to new students about “back in the day I was wiping Joe Prince’s bum”.
Usman “Uzi” Khokar
Usman has been a very willing student this year, making solid improvements throughout the year, and remains one of the best single shot potters in the school. However, his aggression has meant that his defensive aspect to his game has left many opportunities for his opponents to take advantage of his mistakes, which he has since started to rectify by spending more time in practice. Must stop getting excited after making 3 worldies in a row and going for another impossible pot or dogging an easy shot.
Ali “I’ll give you 12 months free” Merchant
Effectively a new student this year, after attending once last year, on a trial basis. Ali had started the year incredibly well, making a huge impact at school, but saw his form dip away, showing signs of a return with some excellent results, but was unable to sustain his form from the start of the year. Whilst the school encourages students to be confident, we would remind students that a bit of humility is also encouraged too.
Hassan “Wolverine” Mehedi
Hassan continues to possess a very thoughtful and considerate approach to his studies, but is still lagging behind at the back of the group during running, holding up the group on many occasions. He continues to be a consistent performer, who performs well against many of the top students. It was pleasing to see that Hassan tidied his hair up and looks more presentable these days.
Marius “Dandu 2”
Yet again, defies expectations with his rather lackadaisical approach to studies, but still possesses the ability to challenge any of his classmates. Still incredibly impatient, whether with other slow students, or himself, and his colourful language may be introduced in order to raise much needed funds.
Dan “Turnip” Jenkins
Another solid year for young Daniel, as he continues to compete against the top students. Despite the advice provided in his last report, has not yet discovered the levels of flamboyance required at this level, and continues to be heckled by other students. Has also seem to have increased his levels of chuntering on at himself when he misses a shot, mainly self-deprecation, but his temperament still has improved since he first joined the school.
Nicholas “LuckboxQ” Ronase
A talented player, whose attendance is somewhat sporadic depending on whether he is engaged with other activities outside of school. Seems to excel in both the long jump and high jump, and possesses a lot of flair with his ability to perform shots that most other students cannot perform. Amazes the school staff that you can always hear him when he’s in the building. Always.
Hassan “The Sniper” Aljumaili
After his school exchange programme in Dubai, Hassan has returned to Tooting looking very determined to succeed. Continues to make studies look effortless but lacks concentration at times, and potentially listens to too many negative thoughts in his head. Always seems to be on the cusp of taking that extra step to compete with the elite students, but somehow doesn’t take that extra step. Not yet anyway. His efforts are not going unnoticed and he will undoubtedly be a threat in 2026, especially if he can get a grip on his equipment.
Jingren Sun
A young and popular student from China, who joined towards the back end of last year. His form in the first half of the year was pretty poor, making far too many basic errors. A summer break seemed to reinvigorate Jingren, who returned to school looking like a completely different player. This has led to Jingren starting to challenge our top students. It is hoped that Jingren’s temperament, though, will calm down a bit, as he can be a bit excitable. However, his recent good performances have tempered him down a bit.
Henri “The Finnisher” Linnainmaa
Henri’s studies, like most, have been inconsistent. But he remains a silent killer by reputation. Notoriously slow at first, but once he’s warmed up, he has been exceptional at times. Has represented the school very well in the nationals, where he recently reached the last 16, fulfilling his potential at last. We are also pleased to see that he has a more sensible haircut these days.
Loui “El Matador” Suarez
One of the older students within the school, certainly one of the most methodical, but also one who possessed a fantastic temperament, some great skills, and also showing a high level of consistency. Loui, therefore, is the student to watch next year, as despite his quiet demeanour, is a fierce competitor who could make quite the difference. We also hope that Loui embraces the tag of “one to watch”, unlike last year’s “one to watch” who crumbled a bit this year.
Mark Legaspi
One of the most interesting students we have. Almost never misses a class. Has one of smoothest techniques and is capable of some of the most sublime work seen at school. However, whilst he looks like he is focused, cannot seem to hold his concentration for prolonged periods, making some of the silliest mistakes at the wrong times. It is also interesting to note that Mark often reads better without his glasses.
Obi “Jedi Knight” Anyouku
Last year’s “one to watch” seemed to crumble under the weight of the moniker, with performances not really kicking on in the way we had expected of him. A popular lad in class, is also increasingly becoming a touch naughty as we fear he isn’t taking his studies quite as seriously as last year. In any case, a thoroughly infectious personality and continues to demonstrate good resilience against the heckling from the rest of the school.
Glen “The Hitman” Hargreaves
It was with great delight that Glen has made some good progress, medically, which has allowed him a phased return to the classroom. This has led to some really positive performances from him, and the rate of progress he is showing means that he could really be rising up the rankings in 2026. Still has to show a little more patience during 9 Ball classes, as he spends half the lessons looking like he wants to kill anyone who dares to make a fluke. It was also a shame that Glen didn’t make good use of the extra studies we asked of him, to improve his English language, meaning that the rest of the class still struggle to understand him.
Simon Beard
A recent addition to the school, Simon has had a slow start with his studies, but has suddenly found some improvements of late. Definitely one of the more noticeable and louder students, but really made a name for himself when some students from another school were found loitering within the grounds, causing all kinds of problems.
Abdou Saidi
Another very talented student but poor performer as he seems to be focused on performing tricks in front of his friends and taking videos of himself doing it. Whilst he possesses a lot of tricks, he needs to focus on the long game and concentration levels. Refers to everyone as his “brother”, including the few girls that attend the school.
Ranj “Lucky” Sarraj
Remarkably is still one of the most talkative boys in class, constantly distracted and seeking attention. Has some of the highest levels of bravado within the school, and his self-esteem is unquestionable. Has occasionally performed to a reasonable level, but could do more to help himself.
Ernesto Gonzales
Ernesto has had an increasingly positive attendance record and has the ability to be very solid. Is definitely one of those who likes to run at the back of the group during games lessons, with his unorthodox running style.
Dainius Zvirblys
After transferring to Tooting towards the end of last year with others from Romford High School, Dainius came with a fearsome reputation and has occasionally shown this with some strong performances at times. However, like many students, has failed to show consistency and will feel frustrated as on his day, he can be pretty ruthless. We would like for him to work on his technique, but irrespective, he still can pot better than most.
Ali “Sandals” Haidery
Ali continues to make improvements, and works incredibly hard to find improvements, making him much more competitive over the course of the year. However, his time-keeping is a concern as he is often late for practice sessions, arriving around 11pm, and still is failing to adhere to school uniform rules, where open-toed sandals are not permitted.
Sean “Scarf” Avery
Sean has clearly been working hard on many aspects of his studies, and whilst his results on Mondays don’t reflect his endeavours, he is showing far more consistency. Is commended for his impeccable turnout, and is now leading the way in terms of fashion points within the school, especially with his new briefcase.
Alan “Spanish Assassin” Llorente
A special mention to Alan for the amount of work he has put into his game over the year. He has made some huge improvements, gained some excellent results, and is providing a little bit of consistency that will allow him to drive his game further in 2026. Does seem to have slowed down quite a bit though, holding up other students.
Gauhar “Granddaddy of Zans” Khan
Khan has been welcomed back to the school after being expelled two years ago. Has pulled off some excellent results, despite being the self-proclaimed unluckiest person alive. We are pleased that he now pulls his trousers up in accordance with school policy.
Mariusz Wiszowaty
Mariusz is a very pleasant student who has progressed nicely, with far better consistency than shown before. As was stated last year, we know that he was undertaking a lot of extra practice with Rod, and we hoped that it would rub off on him. However, this has been counter-productive, as Rod has fallen off a cliff this year and it’s no surprise to see that Mariusz has started to find other practice partners instead.
Andri “Sigma” Doci
Despite being one of the quietest students in the classroom, he has had to be served a warning playing loud music when driving to school, although not a verbal warning as issued by Greg Mostyn, as they are worthless. Andri has had a few good results during this year, but really needs to knuckle down to get more consistency.
Stephen “Outlaw” Stedman
One of the more energetic students, Stephen is one of the keenest boys at school. His enthusiasm is infectious and has also got a real talent in the high jump. Along with a new boy, Simon, seems to have the ability to keep the peace when reprobates from outside of school come looking for trouble. Sadly, Stephen’s attendance has slipped of late, but this is possibly down to him making a choice between travelling 2 hours to Tooting High School, or lurking around with his new girlfriend at home.
Tom “Diver” Daly
Another who has to travel all the way from Romford to get to school, but his commitment and attendance is second to none. Although quiet, he is very studious, and finished the year with a massive result against one of the most naturally gifted students at school, Dan Suh. Tom is certainly making some great improvements, but does need more attention to his positional play, as this will make him very competitive if he nails that down.
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End of Year School Reports 2024
Yet another successful year at Tooting Grammar School, with its reputation spreading far and wide, attracting new students to the school, and this year, saw the introduction of more weekend activities for pupils to improve their games. We also welcomed the addition of an extension to the school facilities, with the opening of a new classroom, above Tolian’s, although it was disappointing to note that despite the clear signage, some boys claimed that they could not find it, and skipped classes as a result.
As is always the case, the exceptionally high standards of Tooting Grammar School has really made a big difference in the boys’ studies, and marked improvements have been made by everyone.
Ciprian “Spin King” Dandu (attendance 35):
Ciprian continues to excel, and has achieved a number of MNT wins, but still has a tendency to look back at the times when he was winning everything back when he was in Year 1, and expect him to recreate his performances of 10 years ago. It has been pointed out to him that his lack of after school practice means that his standards will slip, but he continues to set himself unrealistic expectations as a result. Cip is also to be commended for cutting down on his swearing when missing easy pots, although his levels of impatience when trying to talk to some of the other boys remain very high.
Andrew “I play better with my jump cue, with my left hand” Phan (36):
Much like last year, Andrew remains top of the class in media studies, but has under-achieved in many other areas due to an increased ability to be distracted by some of the naughtier children in class. Andrew continues to rush everything, and is often found trying to write complete essays in record time, with his wrong hand, using a blunt pencil. It has been pointed out to him that he might get better marks if he slowed down, used his right hand, and used a proper pen, but he defies belief by making it actually work in after school club, even though it doesn’t count towards his grades.
Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache (38):
Gabriel has undoubtedly been a star performer this year. His attendance record has been fantastic, despite working as an actor in adult themed movies, and his performances means he now sits at the front of the class. A massively consistent student, he has one of the most improved ratings, broke through the 9 point barrier (only the third pupil to do so, ever), and had the longest winning streak this year, of 13. An exceptional year for Gabriel, and it has been pleasing to see that he has stopped staring at most other students, trying to look mean, although he does continue to do so with one or two others.
Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul (30):
Despite being the star pupil for the last two years, Ram’s maintained his high standards for most part of the year, but will be disappointed to have finished the year in 2nd place. Ram is, also, being reassessed for his poor performances in Asia, of which there are reports of Ram not focusing on representing the school in overseas tournaments, causing him to underperform, because of his behaviour in local bars during this trip. Future trips may require additional chaperones to keep him in check.
So “Sniffer Dog” Shaw (5):
So is still frequently absent from class, having only attended 5 classes this year, is still a very naughty pupil, constantly distracting others, and is still obsessed with gambling. Having said this, So remains one of the most talented students we have, especially when he actually gives it some focus.
Sunny “WD-40” Garib (6):
Young Sunesh is another who has been frequently absent from school this year, but remains a high-performing student when he can bothered to turn up. It has been noticed that Sunny has a certain penchant for applying lube to his balls, which has caused a few complaints from other pupils after they have had to handle his balls.
Lord Greg Mostyn (27):
The self-proclaimed “people’s champion” is not short of confidence and likes to answer plenty of questions in class, even when not directly asked. Greg enjoyed an extremely strong first half to the year, as he broke through the 8 point mark (only 8 other boys have managed this feat ever), but Greg seemed to allow this to get to his head, and his performances slipped quite quickly. He has, though, recovered some of his form, and shown signs of recovery. His house tutor has reminded Greg that school uniform must be worn at all times, as Greg seems to prefer to wear football shirts in class, which may lead to a detention if he continues to flout school uniform policy.
Tashunka (Hee Haw) Schultz (13):
Tashunka, much like last year, regularly walks out of school vowing never to return, only to be found back at school soon after. This has happened at least once a month this year, and he has even been found to be at our rival’s schools locations, in Southwark and Redhill. Having said that, Tashunka remains popular with teachers and pupils alike, especially as his extra-curricular work, re-tipping cues, is performed with exemplary precision.
Saman “Salami Punani” Gholami (39):
The predictions for Saman made 12 months ago, appear to have come true, and he truly has become one of the top performing students this year. A reputation that is as fearsome as any of the scholarship students, Saman keeps growing from strength to strength. It was also pleasing to see Saman learn the meaning of his new nickname, and it would also be good to see him use higher quality pens, after the ones he borrowed from fellow classmate, Richard, often breaks.
Spencer “Afrostastic” Oliver (17):
After last year’s outstanding achievement award of gaining the most number of ranking points, Spencer’s attendance has slipped a little, and his performances have suffered a little. Spencer continues to run the midweek detentions with Sean Avery, but due to the high numbers of misdemeanours, has had to relocate them to Southwark Arches Young Offenders Institution. Fortunately, with Spencer now sat at the back of the class, we have received less complaints from other pupils, although Spencer did create a fuss as he tried to stand on the front row for school photo.
Sam Storey (14):
Sam is a quiet lad, but a superb performer when at class, and boasts a win ratio that is only beaten by So Shaw, Gabriel and Ram. Sam is, also, a font of all knowledge, and can often be found in the common room explaining complicated theories to many of the other students.
Rod “the God” Altes (43):
Rod used to be a quiet lad, who kept himself to himself when he first entered school, but quickly cemented his place near the top of the class for a long period, creating a healthy rivalry against Ramesh over the following two years. However, this year, has become the subject of bullying due to getting lost trying to find the new classroom, and also due to his performances going off the boil, where most of the other students have stopped fearing him. He still shows occasional glimpses of what made him one of the best students in recent years, but needs to improve for next year, or he will be in danger of falling out of the top 10. Must be commended for having attended the most classes this year.
Martinho Correia (9):
Martinho, being one of the oldest boys at school, has a wealth of knowledge that he enjoys passing onto some of the younger students. Has been absent a large number of times, and was at the centre of an incident at Sunday prayers, when he got into a disagreement with another boy and threw chalk at him. Also, during kendo training, Martin insists on using a sword that takes a long time to draw, and he is advised to use a Uniloc sword that is quicker to position into attack mode.
Muhammed “He’s the Greatest” Ali (42):
Muhammed had an awful start to the year, as he struggled to adapt to his new pens, and he kept swapping pens around until he found one he could write beautifully with. As a result, his performances have picked up magnificently, making him one of the top performers in the latter half of the year. Muhammed has also been kind enough to supervise extra-curricular activities on Sundays. The school also kindly asks Muhammed not to sleep at school, as whilst we appreciate his dedication to practice, he really has started to become a part of the furniture.
Kostiantyn Ivanov (3):
Once one of the most dedicated students, Kostya appears to have almost totally neglected his studies. He once told his house tutor that he was solely focused on studies, and that he had no interest in chasing girls. He now has a girlfriend who seems to have distracted him completely. It is hoped that she will get bored of him, and Kostya will make regular appearances at school again in 2025.
Doug “the Shark” Clark (8):
Doug has tended to skip school lessons, although tends to hang around at practice times, threatening other students to show them what he can do. Also threatened to exclude himself from school after a few some poor performances, but after some counselling, Doug has a much better attitude and feels more positive when he misses an easy shot or loses a match.
Arjon “the Beard” Hasi (14):
One of last year’s rising stars, Arjon (pronounced ah-ree-on), maintains his reputation as an aggressive potter and has finally learnt how to play a safety shot. Whilst he still is reluctant to ever play a safety shot, which was what used to let him down, it’s hoped that a few more of these next year might see him fulfil the potential he has.
It’s also requested that he doesn’t wear a cap indoors, as it is against school rules.
Dimitris “Slim Penis” Siampanis (18):
If you can’t hear Jim, then he’s unlikely to be within a 5 mile radius of you. Jim is a bright lad who likes to practice kung fu stances during lessons, and can be heard in every corner of the school as he likes to be centre of attention. Jim has also performed very well, and possesses a lot of ability when he focuses properly. It would be appreciated if Jim actually notifies school of his absences, as he tends to communicate with the school secretary rather poorly, making Mr Dandu lose his patience.
Marius Dandu “2” (29):
Continues to baffle teachers with his extraordinary ability, but his ability to not take lessons seriously can be of concern. When he’s really focused, can beat almost any other student, but his performances tend to be linked to an incredible lack of patience with slower students or when he has luck go against him. In any case, Marius has performed very well over the course of this year, and his finishing position in class is far more accurate to his level of ability than last year.
Ciaran “Paddy Power” Boylan (12):
Took an extended break from lessons after a poor end to last year, leaving Ciaran to get private tuition to work on why he was performing below par. Ciaran has since returned, very much looking like he had made significant progress in rediscovering his form, and performed solidly in the latter half of the year. Ciaran still intimidates many of the newer boys as he uses his size to bully players off tables, but it does seem to have stopped working against some of the older boys.
Henri “the Finnisher” Linnainmaa (31):
Henri has shown great commitment to school this year, and has been one of the most improved students at school. Having had a disastrous 2023, Henri has really knuckled down and been far more consistent. Henri’s fearsome reputation as having the hardest break in school, never seems to come to the fore, especially at the Break and Dish, where Henri fails to get off the mark.
Hassan “the Wolverine” Mehedi (19):
Has a thoughtful approach to studies, checking and re-checking angles, and is still at the back of the group when running laps. However, this pragmatic approach sees Hassan performing very solidly, and once he’s in his stride, possesses the ability to compete against most of the top performing students.
Dan “Turnip” Jenkins (36):
Has had a very solid year and become a real stalwart of the school. Still tends to look utterly miserable on occasions, but has improved his ability to deal with setbacks and shows more resilience when under-performing. Has had some really good results throughout the year, showing he can beat any of the elite students on their day, yet still possesses the ability to get completely mashed by some of the naughtier boys. Would be good to see him add more flair to his game in 2025, as other lads tend to heckle him by shouting “boring” at him during classes.
Usman “the Uzi” Khokhar (28):
Relatively new to the school, after having persuaded to switch from our sister Snooker Academy, and suffered a little in the first half of the year. The second half of the year was much improved, with him establishing himself as one of the sharpest potters at school. Has improved his temperament too, and is expected to really demonstrate his improvements next year as he continues to make progress. Must slow down a little and sort out his bobbing head movements, but a very welcome addition to the school this year.
Pistol Pete Cloherty (10):
One of the biggest lads at school, and with a mouth to match his personality, it is a shame that Peter has been unable to attend as frequently as he wants, but he often performs well and considered to be a very tough competitor even though he’s often out of practice.
Ramon “Monster” Navarro (5):
A poor attendee this year, but nonetheless, a very popular member of the school and one of the most experienced and knowledgeable lads. Never is not smiling unless down on a shot. Must do better to attend more lessons next year.
George “Ginger” Hughes (1):
Despite being a registered student, has only attended one class all year, despite being present at school on a regular basis. Is often considered to hold the world record for being able to talk about PE equipment the longest without pausing for breath, George is thoroughly likeable, but we would like him to attend more classes in 2025.
Krishen “Kris” Sookhraz (12):
Kris has sadly had a far poorer attendance record this year, and despite enjoying a strong Spring term, has not been able to capitalise on the promise he was showing at the back end of last year. Kris also occasionally turns up to school after what looks like he’s been on quite the bender, generally slobbering over the rest of the students. Hopefully we will see Kris back in action more frequently next year.
Ernesto Gonzalez (10):
Ernesto has been an interesting pupil, as despite his unorthodox style of cocking his head to one side, and despite being one of the slowest players at school, showed that he can play well enough to compete with most. Ernesto is most definitely underestimated, but perhaps won’t be in 2025.
Andy “Banks” Curzon (4):
Having had the highest attendance record of last year, Andy has decided to return back to junior school to brush up on his basics, before he re-graduates back to big boy school. Andy has made the odd appearance, though, and remains a popular lad with a lot to say as he’s still on the online debating group on WhatsApp, where he fiercely contests meaningless arguments over matters such as the word “should”. He “should” really lay off engaging in such arguments, and if he gets back to senior school, “should” reclaim his place as the fastest runner.
Ranj “Lucky” Sarraj (33):
Ranj continues to distract other boys with his non-stop talking, and desire to be centre of attention. Is often turning up to PE lessons without his equipment, and therefore having to borrow from other boys. An inconsistent year, performance-wise, but did manage to get to the semis of one of the MNT’s, although didn’t hold back from telling other lads about it for about two months.
Mark Legaspi (7):
A new boy, only joining in late October, but with a terrific attendance record since then. Mark has a silky smooth technique and is really starting to settle into his new surroundings well. Looks to have quite a lot of potential, but will need to sharpen up a little, although he couldn’t be at a better school to make the necessary improvements.
Obi “Jedi Knight” Anyouku (38):
An absolute model pupil who has showed amazing promise throughout the year, as he has regularly gotten far in MNT competitions. He has an admirable positive temperament, and once he loosens up, is a sharp shooter who is well-respected throughout the school. Whilst a popular member of his class, is also subjected to a bit of bullying due to his slow nature, as fellow students like to heckle him during classes.
Nick “LuckboxQ” Ronase (17):
Nick has shown to be a diligent and hard-working student, with plenty of energy, with a positive attendance record in the second half of the year. He is, though, very loud during lesson times, and is often found asleep during break times. He also has a tendency to be quite self-centred, upsetting fellow students when he buys himself some food, damaging students’ car doors, and still expecting to be chauffeured around. Nick, it is noticed, completes his homework in far too much of a hurry, and this is perhaps holding him back from going to the next level.
Maciej "Crocodile" Kowejsza (7):
It is great to see that Maciej has struck up a really nice bond with one of the more senior students, Rod. He has excelled in the discipline of 8 Ball, where he is a known specialist, but has failed to deliver in other areas of studies. Is also known to be taking up more time in extra-curricular activities, such as bird-spotting and photography.
Ali “Sandals” Haidery (21):
Ali has undoubtedly found a new level of confidence, which is shown by his improved performances, and taken out some big names along the way. Ali is still often late for practice, turning up after 11pm most practice days, and whilst we appreciate the weather is hot, his insistence on flouting the school uniform regulations by wearing open-toed sandals has earnt him his deserved nickname.
With his current level of progress, there is a genuine chance of seeing Ali build on his improvements for next year.
Glen “the Hitman” Hargreaves (17):
Despite his supposed recovery last year, regrettably Glen has endured some serious and continuous issues with his health, but has still managed to make classes when he is able. His health issues have caused him to be unable to regain his old form, but he did manage to reignite that old flame just before he went back into hospital by getting to the semi-final again, playing really well. On behalf of everyone at the school, we wish Glen the very best for 2025, as we can only hope he can make a full recovery. In the meantime, he has been provided some extra studies to undertake at home, as he is still under-performing in English aural lessons, as he still often mumbles his words in a strange voice which most people struggle to understand.
Carl “the Hyena” Locsin (18):
Carl is an infectious character with a laugh that can be heard echoing around the school. Carl is also the best dressed student, looking rather dapper when compared to some of the other slovenly students. Very much a style player, with plenty of knowledge and panache, but struggles to really get to the next level due to inconsistency. He also likes to copy other students, especially copying So Shaw with the pen behind his ear.
Dainlus Zvirblys (12):
Part of the new influx of students we took in from Romford recently, Dainlus has managed some very good results and will undoubtedly pick up in 2025 as he’s shown really good promise. Dainlus has so far shown he excels in the weights room, which Ranj has noticed.
Tom “the Diver” Daly (11):
Another of the Romford new boys, and shown great commitment ever since joining. Never fails to be positive, and whilst he is yet to secure his first win, has shown that he can pot well at times, and taken a number of the stronger students to hill-hill.
Stephen “the Outlaw” Stedman (12):
Although he breaks many school rules with his advertising on his clothing, and that he could be mistaken for Spud from the film Trainspotting, Stephen was the first from Romford to transfer, and has a very positive mindset. A real asset to the school, and his commitment will undoubtedly see him improve over the course of next year.
Ken “Nigerian Ninja” Ofili (6):
Despite only being an occasional attendee, Ken seems to attract attention whenever he turns up, and remains a popular lad, even if he is being told “f*ck off” on a regular basis. Has turned to a lot of external tuition, but still doesn’t perform to the levels that you might expect of someone who has all the gear. Despite it being a handicap tournament, he recently beat Mark Capito from Watford High School, one of the leading students in the region, which is in indication that Ken’s ready to rise through the ranks.
Joe Granville (11):
It appears that Joe is only able to attend school once a month, but when in attendance, he is a delightful young man who displays nothing but a happy and positive attitude. His cheeky grin and modest exterior, though, hides a fierce competitor with a great temperament, and he possesses the ability to switch on and swat his opponents aside. It is hoped that Joe will attend more lessons next year, as he has all the potential to go deep into competitions.
Dan "Seoul Destroyer" Suh (38):
A model student, serious, quiet, and admired by all of his peers, Dan is polite and respectful towards all other students and staff. Has selflessly sacrificed his performances in the classroom for the good of others, despite him possessing the most natural ability within the school. It is well-known that he should be at the top of the class, but he'd prefer to offer those chances to others. Is well-known for not distracting others, and keeps his opinions to himself. Selflessly lends his equipment to some of the naughtier kids, like Ranj, and even allowed Ranj to get beaten with his own equipment, such was the level of self-sacrifice. Never one to moan about not being selected for break and dish, and always supporting those who are selected with great verve.
Richard “Cue Runners” Vinluan (12):
Richard often attends school without attending classes, as he cruises through the playground seeking opportunities to sell PE equipment, ducking and diving from George Hughes. His performances have started to really improve, though, and is hoped that he will attend more lessons to keep driving him to more successes.
Samuel Demiraj (15):
Samuel looks up to his older brother, Ervin, in many ways. Often found following Ervin around the playground during breaktimes. Samuel, though, has been performing better in classes than his brother, and finds himself ahead of him in the rankings. Underneath his calm and modest exterior, though, lies someone who clearly loves being ahead of his brother.
Sean “Scarf” Avery (22):
With his running midweek detentions over in Southwark Arches Young Offenders Institution, the long-fingered Sean continues to excel at jumping, especially since he bought new equipment to assist him with his already trusted technique. However, the other areas of his studies need to be focused on, as he has underperformed again this year. Has also taken to competing against Arjon for the biggest beard.
Andri “Sigma” Doci (31):
A welcome new addition to the school this year, Andri is a quiet lad who is starting to come out of his shell. Likes to make an announcement on arrival in the car park as he does play his music overly loud. Andri has struggled on occasions, but has also had some notable performances more recently, and looks like 2025 will be a year of significant progression for him.
Ervin “Vini” Demiraj (27):
Vini had a really positive first half of the year with some notable scalps, but was absent frequently in the second half of the year, and has only beaten his younger brother, Samuel since then. Vini is a very popular lad as he seems to encompass every emotion that every player goes through, without being able to hide it. His red face under pressure, and his face of anguish when he misses a pot is something that resonates with every other student. Vini, though, conducts himself in an exemplary manner, and we hope he will improve his attendance next year.
Danny “Tsunami” Navidi (30):
A bit of a ringleader in the playground, and definitely one of the naughtier boys in the classroom, Danny is still running in corridors causing lots of panic when on the rampage. Has also been asked to adhere to school uniform policy, as he insists on wearing pyjama bottoms into the classroom. Still has an “interesting” style of play, as he is often still quite reckless, but can engage in Tsunami mode when he looks like never missing. Seems to enjoy lessons when paired with some of the more experienced students, performing very well throughout the year. Also discovered that he is immune to having chalk thrown at him.
Paz “the Punisher” Brennan (6):
With a poor attendance record this year, Paz seems to have been led astray by our sister girls’ high school, where he has been distracted by a student and therefore been unable to attend classes very often. So much so, that he has taken up marathon running in a desperate hope to impress the girl. It’ll never last, and surely we’ll see him back at Tooting more often, once he realises that classes at Tooting are less onerous.
Alan “Spanish Assassin” Llorente (25):
Alan remains a very focused and serious student, who possesses plenty of ability, but been unable to transfer it to the classroom. A very keen and earnest pupil, Alan is always open-minded and works very hard to keep making improvements, which has led to a few successes this year. His cheerleading skills have really come on leaps and bounds, as he consistently supports his fellow gang members, Danny and Obi, after Alan finishes his classes.
Mariusz “the Wizard of Oz” Wiszowaty (15):
A long-standing member of the school, and a popular lad whose language during lessons can be a bit colourful when he gets answers wrong. He has taken to practicing regularly with Rod, and we hope that he’s influenced by Rod’s potting ability, not Rod’s ability to drink.
Josh Roberts (21):
Josh is one of the quieter lads, but very diligent and hard-working. Josh famously came back from 4-0 down to the Tsunami, to win 5-4, which demonstrated the resilience that Josh has. Although Josh has finished bottom of the class this year, is unaware that this means he has to buy everyone a drink at the Christmas party.
Finally, a reminder that the Christmas Party and Prize Giving Day is being held at the new classroom…(Rod, take note), and that it will be held on Monday 23rd December, starting at 7pm. A new school photo will be taken, and it would be appreciated if all students wore their proper school uniform for this occasion.
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UK Open Qualifiers 2025
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And in the red corner...the NEW undisputed champion of MNT is...
The final MNT of the year drew to a close last night, as a full field gathered to finish off the season in style. Ultimately, there was a huge amount to play for, as Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul was back from his Asian tour, and Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache were still battling it out for first place.
Gabs was leading, and took advantage of Ram’s absence to extend his lead, but still needed to perform or Ram stood a chance of clinching it at the death…and so a night of drama unfolded. Gabs started the night on 9.037 and Ram was on 8.739.
The first round is always a good chance for players to set the tone for the evening, and Gabs and Ram found each other on opposite sides of the draw, meaning that there was a strong chance they might face each other in the final. Gabs won against Tom “the Diver” Daly, but dropped a rack, which makes a difference to the ranking points. Huge cheers amongst the crowd when Tom did nab his rack, but alas, he couldn’t exert more pressure on Gabs. Ram faced the ever-improving but lowly ranked, Josh Roberts, and dropped 2 racks on his way to victory. After the first round, Gabs was still ahead on 9.051 and Ram was on 8.744.
In other notable matches in the first round, Obi “Jedi Knight” Anyouku demonstrated just why all eyes are on him these days, as he came through a tough match against one of the most improved players in Tooting, Henri “the Finnisher” Linnainmaa. A 5-4 win for Obi, who racked up 8.44 mpr (minutes per rack), making him question his “Slowbi” alternative nickname that most people have adopted.
Elsewhere, Nick the Quick “LuckboxQ” Ronase had the daunting task of facing our infrequent guest from the States, the legendary “Highlander” Del Sim. Notorious for looking like he will eat you alive, despite his friendly smiles, notorious for his incredible ability to drink copious amounts of beer, but famous for being one of the most talented players on the amateur scene, Del and Nick managed an incredible speed, attaining 3.67 mpr, where Del managed to win 5-1.
Ali “Sandals” Haidery continued his good run of form of late, making him an increasingly dangerous opponent despite his low ranking, by beating Jingren Sun 5-2. Richard Vinluan pulled off upset of the century, depending on whose perspective you’re looking at it from, by beating Dan “Seoul Destroyer” Suh 5-3. Andrew “I play better with my jump cue, left-handed” Phan is an enigmatic player. Capable of competing with the very best, capable of losing to the very worst, plays like he’s busting to go for a pee, he faced Muhammed “He’s the greatest” Ali, one of the most dangerous players in Tooting. Both played a thrilling encounter, but it was Andrew who was having one of his matches where he made few errors, and absolutely obliterated Ali 5-1. The most dramatic match of the first round was between the Romford Outlaw, Stephen Steadman, and Paz “the Punisher” Brennan, who are both well-matched and deservedly went hill-hill. Absolutely cracking match between the two, and it was Paz who eventually came through to win.
The second round had Gabriel up against one of the toughest players around, Ciaran “Paddy Power” Boylan. Ciaran is one of the finest cueists, a big friendly giant, but one who wants to “smash” you up. A real test for Gabriel, but Gabs was hungry for success and set about his task with aplomb. Gabs has reached the top of Tooting for a reason, and he has a canny game, clearly showing a terrific safety game. Ciaran just didn’t have enough to combat Gabs, and Gabs went through to the quarters after winning 5-3. Ramma Jamma had to contend with Paz, but there was some serious jeopardy ahead, as any dropped racks might seriously affect the ranking points. Paz dug in deep, but Ram dug deeper and blew Paz away, dropping only 1 rack. At this stage, Gabs was on 9.081 points, whilst Ram was trailing behind on 8.752.
In other matches, Obi absolutely went to town on Rod “the god” Altes, and won 5-2. It might once have been considered an upset, but Obi’s a mean potter, and Rod’s had a poor year, free falling down the rankings and losing the most amount of points over the course of the year. As they say, “form is temporary, class is permanent” said anyone who was on the decline in the hope that someone might believe them.
Fright of the night came from Richard Vinluan, conqueror of the pre-tournament favourite in the first round, and he had to face Andrew Phan. Richard is, undoubtedly, one of the nicest fellas in Tooting, and perhaps needs a bit more belief in himself, but after his epic first round victory, went into the match against Phan feeling a lot more confident. Phan might have felt a little complacent, but Richard punished mistakes, and pushed the match to hill-hill. A really great effort from Rich, but just couldn’t quite get that win and make his first quarter final appearance. But, it does go to show that the standards are improving all throughout the community, and it is far more competitive than ever before.
The quarters looked like a superb line-up. Gabs had to contend with Sam Storey, a top 10 player, a very consistent cueist who tends to go deep into comps. Another tough battle ensued, but Gabs came through it well to win 5-3, whilst Ram had to deal with Dan “Turnip” Jenkins. The heat was truly on now, as the root vegetable is known for pushing the elite players to their limits, and has beaten Ram before. However, Ram was in fine form and took down the Turnip, mashed him up, and chewed him out. 5-3 to Ram. Elsewhere, Obi was taking on Saman “Salami Punani” Gholami, a player who is turning out to be a beast these days. Saman is nearing elite status, and showed it by ensuring that Obi had limited chances, and won 5-2. And in the last quarter, the favourite, Del came up against the speedmeister, Andrew. Andrew might not have been favourite, but he raised his game, and Del didn’t have enough to cope with him, and at a jaw-dropping pace of 3.5 mpr, Andrew burst into the semis with a 5-3 win. At this stage, Gabs was on 9.142 and Ram on 8.783. An uphill struggle for Ram to reclaim the number 1 spot.
The semis really threw the cat amongst the pigeons, and Gabriel had to contend with Saman. Saman’s not beaten Gabs since January, when he had a narrow win, and has a history of not quite finishing off the very top players, despite running them close. But Saman’s different these days, full of confidence and playing at a pace that really suits him. And for this semi, Saman really hit his zone. Raced into an early 4-0 lead, and Gabby really looked down in the dumps as a drubbing would really affect his points tally. Gabs pushed hard to gain as many racks as possible, but he could only pull one back before Saman finished the match off with a 5-1 win. Huge disappointment for Gabs.
In the other semi, Andrew was taking on Ram, and Ram really got down to some hard work, knowing that he had to keep winning, and winning big, to stand any chance of overtaking Gabs. A very strong 5-2 win for Ram, leaving him on 8.819 whilst Gabs had slipped to 8.869. Incredibly tight at the top, and with the final to play, and a third place playoff, each result mattered, every rack won and lost mattered, and what followed was as dramatic as you can get.
The third place playoff between Andrew and Gabs was an immensely one-sided affair. Knowing the ranking points, as they were being updated after each match, Gabs had to win by a huge margin and hope that Saman could beat or, at least, take a few racks off Ram. With the formulas being quite complex, it was impossible to predict, but both Gabs and Ram needed to win big, or their dream of being MNT champion would disappear as quickly as Andrew Phan hits his warm-up shots.
Gabs dominated from start to finish, whilst Andrew failed to pick up his game as he had done for most of the night, and Gabs had won 5-0. On the other table, Ram was doing his best, dominating the match and winning 4-1, but Saman is a fighter and took the next rack, which sent a shockwave around the arena. Was that the rack that sealed Ram’s fate? No-one knew! But we did know it was close. Ram turned it back on, secured the next rack to conclude the final 5-2, but there were no celebrations! Everyone turned to the scorer, awaiting the scores to be updated to provide a final ranking, and gasps of astonishment echoed around London. Ram had, indeed, risen to 8.907, but Gabs had clawed his way back to 8.913 a mere 0.006 points ahead of Ram! Incredible scenes as Gabs had done it! An amazing achievement! He could have stayed away from this week’s MNT to make it virtually impossible for Ram to win, but Gabs put it on the line, recovered from a massive setback and finished Top of Tooting 2025!!!
A hugely close finale to the year. It doesn’t get much closer than that. An incredible effort from both Gabby and Ram, but sadly one had to lose out. What a fantastic year it has been, and we look forward to next Monday’s Christmas Party, followed by a short break before 2025 starts again.
If you’re unable to attend the Christmas Party, on behalf of everyone at London’s Finest Pool, we’d like to wish you and your families the very best for Christmas and the New Year. We hope that you all get a new pool equipment from your supportive wives or girlfriends.
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