End of Year School Reports 2024
Yet another successful year at Tooting Grammar School, with its reputation spreading far and wide, attracting new students to the school, and this year, saw the introduction of more weekend activities for pupils to improve their games. We also welcomed the addition of an extension to the school facilities, with the opening of a new classroom, above Tolian’s, although it was disappointing to note that despite the clear signage, some boys claimed that they could not find it, and skipped classes as a result.
As is always the case, the exceptionally high standards of Tooting Grammar School has really made a big difference in the boys’ studies, and marked improvements have been made by everyone.
Ciprian “Spin King” Dandu (attendance 35):
Ciprian continues to excel, and has achieved a number of MNT wins, but still has a tendency to look back at the times when he was winning everything back when he was in Year 1, and expect him to recreate his performances of 10 years ago. It has been pointed out to him that his lack of after school practice means that his standards will slip, but he continues to set himself unrealistic expectations as a result. Cip is also to be commended for cutting down on his swearing when missing easy pots, although his levels of impatience when trying to talk to some of the other boys remain very high.
Andrew “I play better with my jump cue, with my left hand” Phan (36):
Much like last year, Andrew remains top of the class in media studies, but has under-achieved in many other areas due to an increased ability to be distracted by some of the naughtier children in class. Andrew continues to rush everything, and is often found trying to write complete essays in record time, with his wrong hand, using a blunt pencil. It has been pointed out to him that he might get better marks if he slowed down, used his right hand, and used a proper pen, but he defies belief by making it actually work in after school club, even though it doesn’t count towards his grades.
Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache (38):
Gabriel has undoubtedly been a star performer this year. His attendance record has been fantastic, despite working as an actor in adult themed movies, and his performances means he now sits at the front of the class. A massively consistent student, he has one of the most improved ratings, broke through the 9 point barrier (only the third pupil to do so, ever), and had the longest winning streak this year, of 13. An exceptional year for Gabriel, and it has been pleasing to see that he has stopped staring at most other students, trying to look mean, although he does continue to do so with one or two others.
Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul (30):
Despite being the star pupil for the last two years, Ram’s maintained his high standards for most part of the year, but will be disappointed to have finished the year in 2nd place. Ram is, also, being reassessed for his poor performances in Asia, of which there are reports of Ram not focusing on representing the school in overseas tournaments, causing him to underperform, because of his behaviour in local bars during this trip. Future trips may require additional chaperones to keep him in check.
So “Sniffer Dog” Shaw (5):
So is still frequently absent from class, having only attended 5 classes this year, is still a very naughty pupil, constantly distracting others, and is still obsessed with gambling. Having said this, So remains one of the most talented students we have, especially when he actually gives it some focus.
Sunny “WD-40” Garib (6):
Young Sunesh is another who has been frequently absent from school this year, but remains a high-performing student when he can bothered to turn up. It has been noticed that Sunny has a certain penchant for applying lube to his balls, which has caused a few complaints from other pupils after they have had to handle his balls.
Lord Greg Mostyn (27):
The self-proclaimed “people’s champion” is not short of confidence and likes to answer plenty of questions in class, even when not directly asked. Greg enjoyed an extremely strong first half to the year, as he broke through the 8 point mark (only 8 other boys have managed this feat ever), but Greg seemed to allow this to get to his head, and his performances slipped quite quickly. He has, though, recovered some of his form, and shown signs of recovery. His house tutor has reminded Greg that school uniform must be worn at all times, as Greg seems to prefer to wear football shirts in class, which may lead to a detention if he continues to flout school uniform policy.
Tashunka (Hee Haw) Schultz (13):
Tashunka, much like last year, regularly walks out of school vowing never to return, only to be found back at school soon after. This has happened at least once a month this year, and he has even been found to be at our rival’s schools locations, in Southwark and Redhill. Having said that, Tashunka remains popular with teachers and pupils alike, especially as his extra-curricular work, re-tipping cues, is performed with exemplary precision.
Saman “Salami Punani” Gholami (39):
The predictions for Saman made 12 months ago, appear to have come true, and he truly has become one of the top performing students this year. A reputation that is as fearsome as any of the scholarship students, Saman keeps growing from strength to strength. It was also pleasing to see Saman learn the meaning of his new nickname, and it would also be good to see him use higher quality pens, after the ones he borrowed from fellow classmate, Richard, often breaks.
Spencer “Afrostastic” Oliver (17):
After last year’s outstanding achievement award of gaining the most number of ranking points, Spencer’s attendance has slipped a little, and his performances have suffered a little. Spencer continues to run the midweek detentions with Sean Avery, but due to the high numbers of misdemeanours, has had to relocate them to Southwark Arches Young Offenders Institution. Fortunately, with Spencer now sat at the back of the class, we have received less complaints from other pupils, although Spencer did create a fuss as he tried to stand on the front row for school photo.
Sam Storey (14):
Sam is a quiet lad, but a superb performer when at class, and boasts a win ratio that is only beaten by So Shaw, Gabriel and Ram. Sam is, also, a font of all knowledge, and can often be found in the common room explaining complicated theories to many of the other students.
Rod “the God” Altes (43):
Rod used to be a quiet lad, who kept himself to himself when he first entered school, but quickly cemented his place near the top of the class for a long period, creating a healthy rivalry against Ramesh over the following two years. However, this year, has become the subject of bullying due to getting lost trying to find the new classroom, and also due to his performances going off the boil, where most of the other students have stopped fearing him. He still shows occasional glimpses of what made him one of the best students in recent years, but needs to improve for next year, or he will be in danger of falling out of the top 10. Must be commended for having attended the most classes this year.
Martinho Correia (9):
Martinho, being one of the oldest boys at school, has a wealth of knowledge that he enjoys passing onto some of the younger students. Has been absent a large number of times, and was at the centre of an incident at Sunday prayers, when he got into a disagreement with another boy and threw chalk at him. Also, during kendo training, Martin insists on using a sword that takes a long time to draw, and he is advised to use a Uniloc sword that is quicker to position into attack mode.
Muhammed “He’s the Greatest” Ali (42):
Muhammed had an awful start to the year, as he struggled to adapt to his new pens, and he kept swapping pens around until he found one he could write beautifully with. As a result, his performances have picked up magnificently, making him one of the top performers in the latter half of the year. Muhammed has also been kind enough to supervise extra-curricular activities on Sundays. The school also kindly asks Muhammed not to sleep at school, as whilst we appreciate his dedication to practice, he really has started to become a part of the furniture.
Kostiantyn Ivanov (3):
Once one of the most dedicated students, Kostya appears to have almost totally neglected his studies. He once told his house tutor that he was solely focused on studies, and that he had no interest in chasing girls. He now has a girlfriend who seems to have distracted him completely. It is hoped that she will get bored of him, and Kostya will make regular appearances at school again in 2025.
Doug “the Shark” Clark (8):
Doug has tended to skip school lessons, although tends to hang around at practice times, threatening other students to show them what he can do. Also threatened to exclude himself from school after a few some poor performances, but after some counselling, Doug has a much better attitude and feels more positive when he misses an easy shot or loses a match.
Arjon “the Beard” Hasi (14):
One of last year’s rising stars, Arjon (pronounced ah-ree-on), maintains his reputation as an aggressive potter and has finally learnt how to play a safety shot. Whilst he still is reluctant to ever play a safety shot, which was what used to let him down, it’s hoped that a few more of these next year might see him fulfil the potential he has.
It’s also requested that he doesn’t wear a cap indoors, as it is against school rules.
Dimitris “Slim Penis” Siampanis (18):
If you can’t hear Jim, then he’s unlikely to be within a 5 mile radius of you. Jim is a bright lad who likes to practice kung fu stances during lessons, and can be heard in every corner of the school as he likes to be centre of attention. Jim has also performed very well, and possesses a lot of ability when he focuses properly. It would be appreciated if Jim actually notifies school of his absences, as he tends to communicate with the school secretary rather poorly, making Mr Dandu lose his patience.
Marius Dandu “2” (29):
Continues to baffle teachers with his extraordinary ability, but his ability to not take lessons seriously can be of concern. When he’s really focused, can beat almost any other student, but his performances tend to be linked to an incredible lack of patience with slower students or when he has luck go against him. In any case, Marius has performed very well over the course of this year, and his finishing position in class is far more accurate to his level of ability than last year.
Ciaran “Paddy Power” Boylan (12):
Took an extended break from lessons after a poor end to last year, leaving Ciaran to get private tuition to work on why he was performing below par. Ciaran has since returned, very much looking like he had made significant progress in rediscovering his form, and performed solidly in the latter half of the year. Ciaran still intimidates many of the newer boys as he uses his size to bully players off tables, but it does seem to have stopped working against some of the older boys.
Henri “the Finnisher” Linnainmaa (31):
Henri has shown great commitment to school this year, and has been one of the most improved students at school. Having had a disastrous 2023, Henri has really knuckled down and been far more consistent. Henri’s fearsome reputation as having the hardest break in school, never seems to come to the fore, especially at the Break and Dish, where Henri fails to get off the mark.
Hassan “the Wolverine” Mehedi (19):
Has a thoughtful approach to studies, checking and re-checking angles, and is still at the back of the group when running laps. However, this pragmatic approach sees Hassan performing very solidly, and once he’s in his stride, possesses the ability to compete against most of the top performing students.
Dan “Turnip” Jenkins (36):
Has had a very solid year and become a real stalwart of the school. Still tends to look utterly miserable on occasions, but has improved his ability to deal with setbacks and shows more resilience when under-performing. Has had some really good results throughout the year, showing he can beat any of the elite students on their day, yet still possesses the ability to get completely mashed by some of the naughtier boys. Would be good to see him add more flair to his game in 2025, as other lads tend to heckle him by shouting “boring” at him during classes.
Usman “the Uzi” Khokhar (28):
Relatively new to the school, after having persuaded to switch from our sister Snooker Academy, and suffered a little in the first half of the year. The second half of the year was much improved, with him establishing himself as one of the sharpest potters at school. Has improved his temperament too, and is expected to really demonstrate his improvements next year as he continues to make progress. Must slow down a little and sort out his bobbing head movements, but a very welcome addition to the school this year.
Pistol Pete Cloherty (10):
One of the biggest lads at school, and with a mouth to match his personality, it is a shame that Peter has been unable to attend as frequently as he wants, but he often performs well and considered to be a very tough competitor even though he’s often out of practice.
Ramon “Monster” Navarro (5):
A poor attendee this year, but nonetheless, a very popular member of the school and one of the most experienced and knowledgeable lads. Never is not smiling unless down on a shot. Must do better to attend more lessons next year.
George “Ginger” Hughes (1):
Despite being a registered student, has only attended one class all year, despite being present at school on a regular basis. Is often considered to hold the world record for being able to talk about PE equipment the longest without pausing for breath, George is thoroughly likeable, but we would like him to attend more classes in 2025.
Krishen “Kris” Sookhraz (12):
Kris has sadly had a far poorer attendance record this year, and despite enjoying a strong Spring term, has not been able to capitalise on the promise he was showing at the back end of last year. Kris also occasionally turns up to school after what looks like he’s been on quite the bender, generally slobbering over the rest of the students. Hopefully we will see Kris back in action more frequently next year.
Ernesto Gonzalez (10):
Ernesto has been an interesting pupil, as despite his unorthodox style of cocking his head to one side, and despite being one of the slowest players at school, showed that he can play well enough to compete with most. Ernesto is most definitely underestimated, but perhaps won’t be in 2025.
Andy “Banks” Curzon (4):
Having had the highest attendance record of last year, Andy has decided to return back to junior school to brush up on his basics, before he re-graduates back to big boy school. Andy has made the odd appearance, though, and remains a popular lad with a lot to say as he’s still on the online debating group on WhatsApp, where he fiercely contests meaningless arguments over matters such as the word “should”. He “should” really lay off engaging in such arguments, and if he gets back to senior school, “should” reclaim his place as the fastest runner.
Ranj “Lucky” Sarraj (33):
Ranj continues to distract other boys with his non-stop talking, and desire to be centre of attention. Is often turning up to PE lessons without his equipment, and therefore having to borrow from other boys. An inconsistent year, performance-wise, but did manage to get to the semis of one of the MNT’s, although didn’t hold back from telling other lads about it for about two months.
Mark Legaspi (7):
A new boy, only joining in late October, but with a terrific attendance record since then. Mark has a silky smooth technique and is really starting to settle into his new surroundings well. Looks to have quite a lot of potential, but will need to sharpen up a little, although he couldn’t be at a better school to make the necessary improvements.
Obi “Jedi Knight” Anyouku (38):
An absolute model pupil who has showed amazing promise throughout the year, as he has regularly gotten far in MNT competitions. He has an admirable positive temperament, and once he loosens up, is a sharp shooter who is well-respected throughout the school. Whilst a popular member of his class, is also subjected to a bit of bullying due to his slow nature, as fellow students like to heckle him during classes.
Nick “LuckboxQ” Ronase (17):
Nick has shown to be a diligent and hard-working student, with plenty of energy, with a positive attendance record in the second half of the year. He is, though, very loud during lesson times, and is often found asleep during break times. He also has a tendency to be quite self-centred, upsetting fellow students when he buys himself some food, damaging students’ car doors, and still expecting to be chauffeured around. Nick, it is noticed, completes his homework in far too much of a hurry, and this is perhaps holding him back from going to the next level.
Maciej "Crocodile" Kowejsza (7):
It is great to see that Maciej has struck up a really nice bond with one of the more senior students, Rod. He has excelled in the discipline of 8 Ball, where he is a known specialist, but has failed to deliver in other areas of studies. Is also known to be taking up more time in extra-curricular activities, such as bird-spotting and photography.
Ali “Sandals” Haidery (21):
Ali has undoubtedly found a new level of confidence, which is shown by his improved performances, and taken out some big names along the way. Ali is still often late for practice, turning up after 11pm most practice days, and whilst we appreciate the weather is hot, his insistence on flouting the school uniform regulations by wearing open-toed sandals has earnt him his deserved nickname.
With his current level of progress, there is a genuine chance of seeing Ali build on his improvements for next year.
Glen “the Hitman” Hargreaves (17):
Despite his supposed recovery last year, regrettably Glen has endured some serious and continuous issues with his health, but has still managed to make classes when he is able. His health issues have caused him to be unable to regain his old form, but he did manage to reignite that old flame just before he went back into hospital by getting to the semi-final again, playing really well. On behalf of everyone at the school, we wish Glen the very best for 2025, as we can only hope he can make a full recovery. In the meantime, he has been provided some extra studies to undertake at home, as he is still under-performing in English aural lessons, as he still often mumbles his words in a strange voice which most people struggle to understand.
Carl “the Hyena” Locsin (18):
Carl is an infectious character with a laugh that can be heard echoing around the school. Carl is also the best dressed student, looking rather dapper when compared to some of the other slovenly students. Very much a style player, with plenty of knowledge and panache, but struggles to really get to the next level due to inconsistency. He also likes to copy other students, especially copying So Shaw with the pen behind his ear.
Dainlus Zvirblys (12):
Part of the new influx of students we took in from Romford recently, Dainlus has managed some very good results and will undoubtedly pick up in 2025 as he’s shown really good promise. Dainlus has so far shown he excels in the weights room, which Ranj has noticed.
Tom “the Diver” Daly (11):
Another of the Romford new boys, and shown great commitment ever since joining. Never fails to be positive, and whilst he is yet to secure his first win, has shown that he can pot well at times, and taken a number of the stronger students to hill-hill.
Stephen “the Outlaw” Stedman (12):
Although he breaks many school rules with his advertising on his clothing, and that he could be mistaken for Spud from the film Trainspotting, Stephen was the first from Romford to transfer, and has a very positive mindset. A real asset to the school, and his commitment will undoubtedly see him improve over the course of next year.
Ken “Nigerian Ninja” Ofili (6):
Despite only being an occasional attendee, Ken seems to attract attention whenever he turns up, and remains a popular lad, even if he is being told “f*ck off” on a regular basis. Has turned to a lot of external tuition, but still doesn’t perform to the levels that you might expect of someone who has all the gear. Despite it being a handicap tournament, he recently beat Mark Capito from Watford High School, one of the leading students in the region, which is in indication that Ken’s ready to rise through the ranks.
Joe Granville (11):
It appears that Joe is only able to attend school once a month, but when in attendance, he is a delightful young man who displays nothing but a happy and positive attitude. His cheeky grin and modest exterior, though, hides a fierce competitor with a great temperament, and he possesses the ability to switch on and swat his opponents aside. It is hoped that Joe will attend more lessons next year, as he has all the potential to go deep into competitions.
Dan "Seoul Destroyer" Suh (38):
A model student, serious, quiet, and admired by all of his peers, Dan is polite and respectful towards all other students and staff. Has selflessly sacrificed his performances in the classroom for the good of others, despite him possessing the most natural ability within the school. It is well-known that he should be at the top of the class, but he'd prefer to offer those chances to others. Is well-known for not distracting others, and keeps his opinions to himself. Selflessly lends his equipment to some of the naughtier kids, like Ranj, and even allowed Ranj to get beaten with his own equipment, such was the level of self-sacrifice. Never one to moan about not being selected for break and dish, and always supporting those who are selected with great verve.
Richard “Cue Runners” Vinluan (12):
Richard often attends school without attending classes, as he cruises through the playground seeking opportunities to sell PE equipment, ducking and diving from George Hughes. His performances have started to really improve, though, and is hoped that he will attend more lessons to keep driving him to more successes.
Samuel Demiraj (15):
Samuel looks up to his older brother, Ervin, in many ways. Often found following Ervin around the playground during breaktimes. Samuel, though, has been performing better in classes than his brother, and finds himself ahead of him in the rankings. Underneath his calm and modest exterior, though, lies someone who clearly loves being ahead of his brother.
Sean “Scarf” Avery (22):
With his running midweek detentions over in Southwark Arches Young Offenders Institution, the long-fingered Sean continues to excel at jumping, especially since he bought new equipment to assist him with his already trusted technique. However, the other areas of his studies need to be focused on, as he has underperformed again this year. Has also taken to competing against Arjon for the biggest beard.
Andri “Sigma” Doci (31):
A welcome new addition to the school this year, Andri is a quiet lad who is starting to come out of his shell. Likes to make an announcement on arrival in the car park as he does play his music overly loud. Andri has struggled on occasions, but has also had some notable performances more recently, and looks like 2025 will be a year of significant progression for him.
Ervin “Vini” Demiraj (27):
Vini had a really positive first half of the year with some notable scalps, but was absent frequently in the second half of the year, and has only beaten his younger brother, Samuel since then. Vini is a very popular lad as he seems to encompass every emotion that every player goes through, without being able to hide it. His red face under pressure, and his face of anguish when he misses a pot is something that resonates with every other student. Vini, though, conducts himself in an exemplary manner, and we hope he will improve his attendance next year.
Danny “Tsunami” Navidi (30):
A bit of a ringleader in the playground, and definitely one of the naughtier boys in the classroom, Danny is still running in corridors causing lots of panic when on the rampage. Has also been asked to adhere to school uniform policy, as he insists on wearing pyjama bottoms into the classroom. Still has an “interesting” style of play, as he is often still quite reckless, but can engage in Tsunami mode when he looks like never missing. Seems to enjoy lessons when paired with some of the more experienced students, performing very well throughout the year. Also discovered that he is immune to having chalk thrown at him.
Paz “the Punisher” Brennan (6):
With a poor attendance record this year, Paz seems to have been led astray by our sister girls’ high school, where he has been distracted by a student and therefore been unable to attend classes very often. So much so, that he has taken up marathon running in a desperate hope to impress the girl. It’ll never last, and surely we’ll see him back at Tooting more often, once he realises that classes at Tooting are less onerous.
Alan “Spanish Assassin” Llorente (25):
Alan remains a very focused and serious student, who possesses plenty of ability, but been unable to transfer it to the classroom. A very keen and earnest pupil, Alan is always open-minded and works very hard to keep making improvements, which has led to a few successes this year. His cheerleading skills have really come on leaps and bounds, as he consistently supports his fellow gang members, Danny and Obi, after Alan finishes his classes.
Mariusz “the Wizard of Oz” Wiszowaty (15):
A long-standing member of the school, and a popular lad whose language during lessons can be a bit colourful when he gets answers wrong. He has taken to practicing regularly with Rod, and we hope that he’s influenced by Rod’s potting ability, not Rod’s ability to drink.
Josh Roberts (21):
Josh is one of the quieter lads, but very diligent and hard-working. Josh famously came back from 4-0 down to the Tsunami, to win 5-4, which demonstrated the resilience that Josh has. Although Josh has finished bottom of the class this year, is unaware that this means he has to buy everyone a drink at the Christmas party.
Finally, a reminder that the Christmas Party and Prize Giving Day is being held at the new classroom…(Rod, take note), and that it will be held on Monday 23rd December, starting at 7pm. A new school photo will be taken, and it would be appreciated if all students wore their proper school uniform for this occasion.
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One week to go…who will finish top of the class?
It’s everyone’s favourite time of the week again, and MNT by LFP at old LST was back last night with a bang. A smaller field entered for what was an 8 Ball classic, as the heat was turned right up to identify this year’s Number 1 spot. Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache was on a mission, to extend his lead and leave Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul with too much to do in next week’s season finale, as Ram’s set to return from his travels to give it one attempt to reclaim the seat at the top of the class.
As always, Break and Run was up first, and yet again, Gabs got his number selected. He was up last week, and dogged an easy first pot, so he was well in the mood to rectify this, and with two balls off the break, and a fine cut to try and open up the table, he gave up after 3 balls, cashed in £150, and looked pretty happy with himself as he turned his attention to the tournament.
The first round proper saw 2 matches go to the wire. The first one was Danny “Tsunami” Navidi, up against the ever-improving Josh Roberts. Danny’s been away in New York of late, and turned up huffing and puffing about not having picked up a cue in two weeks. (insert roll eyes emoji).
Well, in typical Tsunami fashion, Danny raced into a 4 rack lead, leaving Josh a little wide-eyed. But, Josh is a plucky soul, and he rolled up his sleeves and went to work on Danny, taking out the next 5 racks to leave Danny stunned into (almost) silence. In the other really tight affair, Ernesto Gonzales and Daniel Millen played out a record-breaking match, as they took 2 hours and 24 minutes to get through their gruelling and hard fought game, that saw a decisive rack end with a scratch on the 8, after it became a black ball game. 2 hours and 24 minutes is the new record for any match on an MNT, and led to one of the latest finishes ever at a single elimination MNT.
The second round highlights were few and far between, as there were no major upsets, no matches that went to the wire, but we should reserve a mention for the 8 Ball Specialist, Maciej “Crocodile” Kowejsza. Maciej is renowned for being lethal when it comes to 8 Ball. 9 Ball, no so much, as he’s currently in Tier 4 of the Spots and Stripes League, but he self-proclaims 8 Ball to be “his” game, and he really went to town on Nick “LuckboxQ” Ronase, demolishing Nick 5-1. An imperious performance from Maciej, sending shivers down the spines of the rest of the field.
All the drama seemed to be reserved for the quarters. Muhammed “He’s the Greatest” Ali had to face Gabs for the third week in a row. With one win and one loss, Ali was determined to impose himself on Gabs, and went 4-1 up. This was the spanner in the works, a possible early exit at the hands of Ali, and Gabs would be throwing the title away…but no, Gabs is as tenacious as he is fierce-looking and Ali can sometimes lack the bottle, and so it proved. 4 racks later, and it was Ali who was crying into his cup of tea, as Gabs knew he had beaten one of the fiercest challengers in Tooting.
Elsewhere, relative newcomer to LFP, James Earp, had the formidable and daunting task of taking on Maciej. Already feeling the heat as Maciej roamed around table 6, looking like he was going to eat James for breakfast, and both went at each other like gladiators The intensity was real, as both players were potting well, but perhaps the knowledge that Maciej is an 8 Ball specialist, or perhaps it was Maciej’s no-nonsense style, that made James fall at the final hurdle, and it was Maciej who punched the air to march into the semis.
Henri “the Finnisher” Linnainmaa, has been pretty much the most improved player this season, especially when you count up the ranking point gains since the start of the year. He faced the mammoth task of facing Spencer “Afrotastic” Oliver, who finished 3rd last year in the rankings. Definitely not a man you want to stand behind in a group photo, and fresh from taking out Imran Majid on Sunday at the Classic Shootout at Tooting…the struggle was real, but Henri demonstrated great tenacity, which is why he’s climbed the rankings, but Spencer really is one of the best players around, and managed to win 5-3.
And in the last quarter final, Ernesto put in a huge effort to pile on the pressure against Rod, knowing that with Rod regularly topping up his fuel levels, it can count against him. However, despite the long wait, Rod’s fuel levels were borderline, meaning he didn’t play his best, but pulled off some outrageous shots to keep himself in it all the way to 4-4. At this stage, Rod’s confidence was flowing through him and managed to pull off the victory, but Ernesto can be really pleased with his performance, and for managing to get through over 5 hours worth of pool for the £10 entry fee!!! It also works out at 12.88 mpf. Yes, I know you might be wondering what mpf is, but we’re trialling a new statistic, and therefore will announce this once the trials are successfully completed. The most astute of you might figure what mpf means pretty quickly.
Anyway, into the semis, and Gabs was up against Maciej. The match was tactical, and fans were treated to a complete and comprehensive insight into the delights of the colourful aspect of Polish diction, as Maciej tried his hardest to manoeuvre Gabs into a tactical battle, but Gabs is very well-experienced, and certainly not intimidate by the reputation of Maciej being the 8 Ball specialist. Far too many mistakes by Maciej, and an easy 4-1 win ensued to Gabs. In the other semi, Spencer took advantage of his high levels of soberness versus Rod’s, and quickly dispatched of Rod, 4-1. At this time, though, it was 1am, so everyone was in a hurry, and so to the final…a one-sided affair where tiredness probably got the better of most, ended 4-1 to Gabs, and finished at 1:30am. Interestingly, Gabs recorded 6.87 mpf and Spencer at 8.48 mpf. But, and most importantly, this cemented Gabby’s position as number 1, but it’s touch and go as we move into next week’s season finale. The return of Ram, Gabby poised to claim the title, and Sam Storey wondering if he could break into the top 5 next week…the curtain will fall on what has been a magnificent 2024.
Reminder that the LFP Christmas Party is on Monday 23rd December. Expect awards, plenty of piss-taking, food and drink, mini competitions galore, and a special Christmas gift from LFP to our regulars. Open to all LFP participants/members, and if it’s anything like last year’s, will be guaranteed to be a really good laugh.
Have a great week and let’s look forward to next Monday’s Season Decider. Can’t believe it’s come down to the final week.
MPF scores (selected names only):
Gabs: 6.87 mpf
Spencer: 8.48 mpf
Rod: 8.6 mpf
Maciej: 7.45 mpf
Slowbi: 8.5 mpf
Ernesto: 12.88 mpf
Andrew Phan: 6.75 mpf
Henri: 12.1 mpf
The Greatest Ali: 9.17 mpf
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And in the red corner...the NEW undisputed champion of MNT is...
The final MNT of the year drew to a close last night, as a full field gathered to finish off the season in style. Ultimately, there was a huge amount to play for, as Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul was back from his Asian tour, and Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache were still battling it out for first place.
Gabs was leading, and took advantage of Ram’s absence to extend his lead, but still needed to perform or Ram stood a chance of clinching it at the death…and so a night of drama unfolded. Gabs started the night on 9.037 and Ram was on 8.739.
The first round is always a good chance for players to set the tone for the evening, and Gabs and Ram found each other on opposite sides of the draw, meaning that there was a strong chance they might face each other in the final. Gabs won against Tom “the Diver” Daly, but dropped a rack, which makes a difference to the ranking points. Huge cheers amongst the crowd when Tom did nab his rack, but alas, he couldn’t exert more pressure on Gabs. Ram faced the ever-improving but lowly ranked, Josh Roberts, and dropped 2 racks on his way to victory. After the first round, Gabs was still ahead on 9.051 and Ram was on 8.744.
In other notable matches in the first round, Obi “Jedi Knight” Anyouku demonstrated just why all eyes are on him these days, as he came through a tough match against one of the most improved players in Tooting, Henri “the Finnisher” Linnainmaa. A 5-4 win for Obi, who racked up 8.44 mpr (minutes per rack), making him question his “Slowbi” alternative nickname that most people have adopted.
Elsewhere, Nick the Quick “LuckboxQ” Ronase had the daunting task of facing our infrequent guest from the States, the legendary “Highlander” Del Sim. Notorious for looking like he will eat you alive, despite his friendly smiles, notorious for his incredible ability to drink copious amounts of beer, but famous for being one of the most talented players on the amateur scene, Del and Nick managed an incredible speed, attaining 3.67 mpr, where Del managed to win 5-1.
Ali “Sandals” Haidery continued his good run of form of late, making him an increasingly dangerous opponent despite his low ranking, by beating Jingren Sun 5-2. Richard Vinluan pulled off upset of the century, depending on whose perspective you’re looking at it from, by beating Dan “Seoul Destroyer” Suh 5-3. Andrew “I play better with my jump cue, left-handed” Phan is an enigmatic player. Capable of competing with the very best, capable of losing to the very worst, plays like he’s busting to go for a pee, he faced Muhammed “He’s the greatest” Ali, one of the most dangerous players in Tooting. Both played a thrilling encounter, but it was Andrew who was having one of his matches where he made few errors, and absolutely obliterated Ali 5-1. The most dramatic match of the first round was between the Romford Outlaw, Stephen Steadman, and Paz “the Punisher” Brennan, who are both well-matched and deservedly went hill-hill. Absolutely cracking match between the two, and it was Paz who eventually came through to win.
The second round had Gabriel up against one of the toughest players around, Ciaran “Paddy Power” Boylan. Ciaran is one of the finest cueists, a big friendly giant, but one who wants to “smash” you up. A real test for Gabriel, but Gabs was hungry for success and set about his task with aplomb. Gabs has reached the top of Tooting for a reason, and he has a canny game, clearly showing a terrific safety game. Ciaran just didn’t have enough to combat Gabs, and Gabs went through to the quarters after winning 5-3. Ramma Jamma had to contend with Paz, but there was some serious jeopardy ahead, as any dropped racks might seriously affect the ranking points. Paz dug in deep, but Ram dug deeper and blew Paz away, dropping only 1 rack. At this stage, Gabs was on 9.081 points, whilst Ram was trailing behind on 8.752.
In other matches, Obi absolutely went to town on Rod “the god” Altes, and won 5-2. It might once have been considered an upset, but Obi’s a mean potter, and Rod’s had a poor year, free falling down the rankings and losing the most amount of points over the course of the year. As they say, “form is temporary, class is permanent” said anyone who was on the decline in the hope that someone might believe them.
Fright of the night came from Richard Vinluan, conqueror of the pre-tournament favourite in the first round, and he had to face Andrew Phan. Richard is, undoubtedly, one of the nicest fellas in Tooting, and perhaps needs a bit more belief in himself, but after his epic first round victory, went into the match against Phan feeling a lot more confident. Phan might have felt a little complacent, but Richard punished mistakes, and pushed the match to hill-hill. A really great effort from Rich, but just couldn’t quite get that win and make his first quarter final appearance. But, it does go to show that the standards are improving all throughout the community, and it is far more competitive than ever before.
The quarters looked like a superb line-up. Gabs had to contend with Sam Storey, a top 10 player, a very consistent cueist who tends to go deep into comps. Another tough battle ensued, but Gabs came through it well to win 5-3, whilst Ram had to deal with Dan “Turnip” Jenkins. The heat was truly on now, as the root vegetable is known for pushing the elite players to their limits, and has beaten Ram before. However, Ram was in fine form and took down the Turnip, mashed him up, and chewed him out. 5-3 to Ram. Elsewhere, Obi was taking on Saman “Salami Punani” Gholami, a player who is turning out to be a beast these days. Saman is nearing elite status, and showed it by ensuring that Obi had limited chances, and won 5-2. And in the last quarter, the favourite, Del came up against the speedmeister, Andrew. Andrew might not have been favourite, but he raised his game, and Del didn’t have enough to cope with him, and at a jaw-dropping pace of 3.5 mpr, Andrew burst into the semis with a 5-3 win. At this stage, Gabs was on 9.142 and Ram on 8.783. An uphill struggle for Ram to reclaim the number 1 spot.
The semis really threw the cat amongst the pigeons, and Gabriel had to contend with Saman. Saman’s not beaten Gabs since January, when he had a narrow win, and has a history of not quite finishing off the very top players, despite running them close. But Saman’s different these days, full of confidence and playing at a pace that really suits him. And for this semi, Saman really hit his zone. Raced into an early 4-0 lead, and Gabby really looked down in the dumps as a drubbing would really affect his points tally. Gabs pushed hard to gain as many racks as possible, but he could only pull one back before Saman finished the match off with a 5-1 win. Huge disappointment for Gabs.
In the other semi, Andrew was taking on Ram, and Ram really got down to some hard work, knowing that he had to keep winning, and winning big, to stand any chance of overtaking Gabs. A very strong 5-2 win for Ram, leaving him on 8.819 whilst Gabs had slipped to 8.869. Incredibly tight at the top, and with the final to play, and a third place playoff, each result mattered, every rack won and lost mattered, and what followed was as dramatic as you can get.
The third place playoff between Andrew and Gabs was an immensely one-sided affair. Knowing the ranking points, as they were being updated after each match, Gabs had to win by a huge margin and hope that Saman could beat or, at least, take a few racks off Ram. With the formulas being quite complex, it was impossible to predict, but both Gabs and Ram needed to win big, or their dream of being MNT champion would disappear as quickly as Andrew Phan hits his warm-up shots.
Gabs dominated from start to finish, whilst Andrew failed to pick up his game as he had done for most of the night, and Gabs had won 5-0. On the other table, Ram was doing his best, dominating the match and winning 4-1, but Saman is a fighter and took the next rack, which sent a shockwave around the arena. Was that the rack that sealed Ram’s fate? No-one knew! But we did know it was close. Ram turned it back on, secured the next rack to conclude the final 5-2, but there were no celebrations! Everyone turned to the scorer, awaiting the scores to be updated to provide a final ranking, and gasps of astonishment echoed around London. Ram had, indeed, risen to 8.907, but Gabs had clawed his way back to 8.913 a mere 0.006 points ahead of Ram! Incredible scenes as Gabs had done it! An amazing achievement! He could have stayed away from this week’s MNT to make it virtually impossible for Ram to win, but Gabs put it on the line, recovered from a massive setback and finished Top of Tooting 2025!!!
A hugely close finale to the year. It doesn’t get much closer than that. An incredible effort from both Gabby and Ram, but sadly one had to lose out. What a fantastic year it has been, and we look forward to next Monday’s Christmas Party, followed by a short break before 2025 starts again.
If you’re unable to attend the Christmas Party, on behalf of everyone at London’s Finest Pool, we’d like to wish you and your families the very best for Christmas and the New Year. We hope that you all get a new pool equipment from your supportive wives or girlfriends.
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- Written by Dan Suh
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Fake Taxi Back In Pole Position
With Gabriel “Fake Taxi” Vasilache chasing down the number 1 spot all year, he’s performed some minor miracles in clawing back a 1.5000 point deficit against Ramesh “Ramma Jamma” Gokhul. And now the race really is on. With so little time left in the year, it could easily come down to the final week to determine the number 1 spot, to reign supreme and claim the King of Tooting title.
29 of London’s Finest, plus a couple of other stragglers, rocked up at what is now known as “old” London Snooker Tooting, to pit their wits against each other, try to create upset and tears, and taunt Rod “the God” Altes and Obi “Jedi Knight” Anyouku.
As is usual, first up was the usual Break and Dish, where Gabby was drawn out of the hat, and the stern looking Captain Haddock smashed up the break and sunk a ball, leaving him a straight easy 1 ball into the side pocket to give him a real chance of glory. Plenty of gulps as it looked an easy layout, but as Gabs went for his first pot, audible gasps from the onlooking crowd almost deafened the arena as he somehow missed! Jaws and pints were dropped in disbelief and at £50 a ball, Gabs stood there, motionless, replaying the miss in his head over and over again.
Into the first round, and bizarrely enough, there were no real upsets, something that we all look forward to, when seeing the extreme levels of disappointment on players’ faces when they unexpectedly lose. Dainlus Zvirblys put up a good fight against Abdou Saidi, , whilst Andrew “I play better with my jump cue” Phan almost shot himself in the foot by being taken to hill hill by newbie, Pete Hanmer, who happened to be playing with a racker. Sean “Scarf” Avery and Andy Adams were having a titanic battle, as both are evenly matched. Andy’s been away from MNT for a while, but he hasn’t lost his competitive spirit, and managed to secure the win after going hill hill. And Ali “Sandals” Haidery had a really hard fought match against Mark Legaspi. Mark’s got a really nice stroke and has not really shown what he’s capable of yet, but he’ll be really pleased to have beaten Sandals, 5-4, after losing to him last week, 5-3.
The second round, though, did throw up a big surprise, as Nick “LuckboxQ” Ronase decided to demonstrate where his game is at right now. Nick was, earlier, found asleep on the sofa, and had to be roused from his deep slumber by being sat on by Dan “Seoul Destroyer” Suh. Feeling pretty pissed off at being awoken from his deep sleep, Nick faced Dan in the first round, and absolutely ripped him a new one with a really strong performance. That’ll be the last time Dan wakes Nick up by dry humping him on the sofa.
Anyway, Nick continued his good form, as he faced the local minor deity, Rod. Rod’s been a little inconsistent this year, and Nick really turned it on to win 4-2, but still, a big upset and Nick was on a roll.
Elsewhere, Ahmad Jomaa managed to push Sunny “Boy” Garib to the wire, but Sunny’s one of the top dawgs in Tooting, as evidenced by being one of only a small handful of players to have broken through the 8 point barrier, and he’s never going to roll over and allow anyone to tickle his impressive belly.
And finally, Mark Legaspi had the task of having to face Obi. Matches with Obi tend to be gruelling and as much as the community enjoy referring to him by his second nickname, “Slowbi”, it’s simply because Obi is a resilient player, highly competitive, and knows how to grind opponents down. Obi and Mark really battled hard, but it was Obi who demonstrated his tenacity yet again, and won 5-4.
Into the quarters, and some tasty matchups were in prospect. Battle of the Organisers, Ciprian “Spin King” Dandu and Andrew went hard at it. With Andrew barely scraping through the first round, and Cip showing one or two glimpses of his glorious past, you might think that Cip had it in the bag, but once Andrew gets going, he can play, even though he has a tendency to play to the imaginary 5 second shot clock in his head. A close match between the diminutive Vietnamese and chunky Romanian, but Andrew often kicks into another gear, the deeper he goes into events, and clinched the win at the death.
Dandu 2, aka Cip’s brother, Marius Dandu, is a beast of a player, and demonstrated it by winning his 9th game in the last 12, which shows the damage the beast of a player can inflict against most players, when he shows a little bit of patience. A 4-2 win over the very consistent and straight cueing Ciaran “Paddy Power” Boylan. Very impressive indeed. Marius only had one word to say in the post-match interview: “LAAAAAAD”!
Gabby and Sunny was surely the match up of the quarters. The two highest ranked players in the comp, and it was just a shame that one of them would end up going home early. No real surprises in that it was a match where only one mistake would cost you a rack, and so it proved. Occasional mistakes were punished, and Gabs ran out winner, 4-3.
And finally, Nick took on Obi, in what looked like being a massively one-sided affair. Nick reached the hill first, leading 4-0, but as stated before, Obi’s one of the toughest competitors, who never gives up, and he came back at Nick, putting heat on him and bringing it back to 4-4. With a large crowd forming to watch this match, Obi and Nick went at it, both looking nervy, but in the end, Obi just couldn’t quite clinch it, and Nick rifled the 9 ball home.
The semis had Andrew against Dandu 2, which was a good match between two players who tend to go for the throat. No real surprise that it didn’t last too long, but it was a close affair, with Marius progressing after a 5-3 win. In the other semi, Nick just couldn’t get going against Gabby, and despite winning 5-1, Gabby could feel that he was going to have to step up again, if he was going to beat Marius in the final
As has been the case for Marius in the past, the final was just a step too far, and Gabs deservedly ran out 5-2 winner, and not only that, rose to Number 1 in the rankings with only two more tournaments to go.
Next Monday 9th December, will see Gabs try to extend his lead, or even lose his lead, depending on the results. The following Monday 16th December, will see Ram back to give it one attempt to wrestle back control. That will wrap up the 2024 season, but don’t forget that 23rd December will see the LFP Christmas Party and Awards Night.
Have a great week and see you next Monday.
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- Written by Dan Suh
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